1. Not everything is black or white here
2. Most sign writers in Tanzania can’t spell “stationery”
3. Rain from the ground up can be wetter than from the sky down
4. Table Mountain isn’t flat (and it isn’t a table either)
5. If you multiply the circumference of an elephant’s front foot by 2.5, you get its height at shoulder level
6. David Livingstone’s heart is buried under a tree in Zambia, but the rest of him is buried in Westminster Abbey (the first part being as he wanted it to be, not sure about the second)
7. When you land at Johannesburg’s O R Tambo International Airport, the in-flight info screen still reads 1710m (ASL)
8. Female elephants pee just in front of their poo, males pee right on top of the steaming pile
9. Feeling sick in the Serengeti is no fun, plus you miss out on tea
10. Rhinoceros are very hard to spot
11. Lions are inherently lazy creatures, and they are usually covered in little black flies
12. Most of the world’s supply of red paint has been used in advertising for Coca-Cola in Africa – coating anything that doesn’t move like shops, houses, trees etc
13. The 2010 Môreson Pinotage, direct from the winery near Franschoek in South Africa, is quite possibly the nicest red wine we have ever tasted
14. Hawkers on the beach at Zanzibar are extremely annoying, but so are those on the bridge at Victoria Falls, those at the gate into the Serengeti National Park, those at the snake farm near Arusha – in fact, anywhere else on the continent.
15. Apartheid was bad
16. Nando’s Chicken started in South Africa
17. Sharks aren’t scary, as long as you’re behind bars
18. Herds of wildebeest DO thunder majestically across the plain (thanks Basil Fawlty) but, in reality, do so mostly in single file
19. Maasai people don’t like white people attending their cattle sales
20. Queues on a normal day at the Post Office in Pretoria move even more slowly than those on Christmas Eve at the Moray Place Post Office in Dunedin
21. Copper bangles cause power cuts (South Africans will understand this one)
22. To go on a game drive in the Ngorongoro Crater in the morning, and then on another on the Serengeti Plain in the afternoon, is a rare and treasured privilege which we shall never forget, nor shall we forget seeing so many different varieties of animals and birds
23. For the most part, the people of Africa are happy, funny, contented, hospitable souls, and we have enjoyed their company immensely
24. Some say Africa gets under your skin, others say it gets into your heart – both statements are true. (It also gets under your fingernails)
25. It’s not over yet – Morocco is still to be revealed to us